10 Years Ago

10 years ago, I was a happy, care-free 17 year old, dating a guy I had grown up with my whole life.

10 years ago, I found out I was pregnant. 

I've blogged about my teenage pregnancy before, and how I suffered a miscarriage.  Not only was it hard physically, because a miscarriage results in painful contractions, and mimics an actual live birth, but the emotional pain has stayed with me for years.

10 years ago, I was nowhere near ready to have a baby.  I was not prepared, I was young.  I was only in the 11th grade.  I was in shock.  Someone up There (points above) knew that I wasn't ready either, and my unborn baby, with no heartbeat (as I was told at an ultrasound) went to Heaven.

Now, at 27 years old, I battle with PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.  A disorder in which cysts are produced on my ovaries, preventing ovulation & menstruation...making it hell on wheels for my hormones.

I want a baby...or two.  PCOS is extremely common in women, and lots turn to Clomid, fertility drugs or IVF to get pregnant.  I however, do not want to have to turn to medication if I can help it. 

I've altered my diet (no dairy, and now, no wheat), upped my fruits and veggies intake. I've done about 12 acupuncture treatments for infertility.  I've tried to lighten my stress load (some days are easier than others!)

I'm doing all of this now, so that when Ryan & I say "Okay, let's try" my body will be in tip-top shape. 

I will never in my life, forget 10 years ago today, losing my first baby.  I just pray that someday, I'll be blessed with a healthy child, that I will love from the moment I find out I'm pregnant.

To all of those fighting infertility, PCOS, unexplained issues - my heart is with you.